Emotions

I've never been good with emotions and pushing them aside. I wear my heart on my sleeve and I can't hide anything. Even if I could though, why would I? When we go out into the world, are we being ourselves or are we hiding who we really are? For the most part, I honestly believe I'm me all the time. Even when I want to fake it 'til I make it, I am not good at it. I used to hate that about me. But as I'm getting older, I'm learning that all the things I thought were so flawed about my personality may never have been flaws at all. Quite probably they were parts of me that were truly intended. We are given gifts and they are inserted into our personalities. They drive the way we handle everything. So, if I seem weak in my emotional self, then it's only because what I lack in the department of masking my feelings, I seem to have an abundance of in showing it for other people. We are emotional beings. If not for the feelings we go through, we would not know how to empathize for other people. Years ago I talked to someone about the fact that I get very sad when people close to me are unhappy. Sometimes, instead of believing I exceed in lifting their spirits, I feel like I join right in with their pains. I didn't like that because it seemed counterproductive. I was told then by several close friends that I had the gift of "Mercy." I honestly didn't think it much of a gift, rather a curse. Why couldn't I have another gift? Why couldn't I be a more positive person and exude a positive attitude like others around me? I think I'm finally seeing there is a purpose for "feeling" what others feel and even for the sadness it sometimes brings. If I can step into your shoes, only for a moment, I can truly understand what you are dealing with. I can't LIVE it but I can EXPERIENCE it. So, I'm grateful for the gift of mercy. I'm thankful that I have exactly what God wanted me to have in my personality. I'm beginning to be happy I'm not just like everyone around me! -rsf